George Carlin - Extreme Human Behavior ||екстремальний|| George Carlin - Extreme Human Behavior George Carlin - Comportamiento humano extremo 조지 칼린 - 극단적인 인간 행동 George Carlin - Comportamento Humano Extremo Джордж Карлин - Экстремальное поведение человека Джордж Карлін - екстремальна людська поведінка

Humans do some really interesting things. 인간은 정말 흥미로운 일을 합니다. Люди роблять дуже цікаві речі.

Like besides killing ourselves, we also kill eachother – murder. |||||||서로를| |||||||один одного|вбивство 우리는 스스로를 죽이는 것 외에도 서로를 죽이는 살인 행위도 합니다. Как будто помимо того, что мы убиваем себя, мы убиваем друг друга - убийство. And we’re the only ones who do that, by the way. И, кстати, мы единственные, кто это делает. Humans are the only species on earth who deliberately kill members of a species for personal gain. 인간은 개인적인 이익을 위해 종의 구성원을 고의로 죽이는 지구상의 유일한 종입니다. Люди - единственный вид на земле, который сознательно убивает представителей своего вида ради личной выгоды. Or pleasure. Sometimes it’s just fun. We’re also the only species who deliberately kill members of another species for personal gain. ||||||навмисно||||||||отримати 또한, 인간은 개인적인 이익을 위해 다른 종의 구성원을 고의로 죽이는 유일한 종입니다. Мы также единственный вид, который сознательно убивает представителей другого вида ради личной выгоды. Or pleasure – that’s what hunters do. ||||мисливці| 또는 즐거움 - 사냥꾼이 하는 일입니다. They kill for pleasure. 그들은 즐거움을 위해 살인을 저지릅니다. That’s us, human beings – interesting folks. |||люди|| 바로 우리 인간, 즉 흥미로운 사람들입니다. Murderers.Here’s an interesting form of murder we came up with – assassination. 살인자들|||||||||||암살 Вбивці|||цікава форма|||||||| 우리가 생각해낸 흥미로운 살인 형태는 암살입니다. Убийцы. Вот интересная форма убийства, которую мы придумали, - покушение. You know what’s interesting about assassination? Знаете, что интересно в убийстве? Well, not only does it change those popularity polls in a big fucking hurry, but it’s also interesting to notice who it is who we assassinate. |||||||인기||||||||||||||||||암살하다 ||||||||опитування|||||||||||||||||вбиваємо 인기 투표가 순식간에 바뀌는 것은 물론이고, 암살 대상이 누구인지 알아차리는 것도 흥미롭습니다. Что ж, это не только меняет опросы популярности к чертовой матери, но и интересно заметить, кого именно мы убиваем. Do you ever stop to see who it is, who it is we kill? 누구인지, 우리가 죽이는 사람이 누구인지 생각해 본 적이 있나요? It’s always people who have told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. 항상 함께 조화롭게 살며 서로 사랑하라고 말하는 것은 바로 사람들입니다. Это всегда люди, которые говорили нам жить вместе в гармонии и стараться любить друг друга. Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Medgar Evers, Malcom X, John Lennon. |간디|||존 케네디|로버트 케|존 케네디||||메드가 에버|메드가르 에|말콤 X|||존 레논 ||||||||||Медгар Еверз|Медгар Еверс|Малколм X||| 예수, 간디, 링컨, 존 케네디, 바비 케네디, 마틴 루터 킹, 메드거 에버스, 말콤 엑스, 존 레논. They all said: try to live together peacefully. |||||||평화롭게 그들은 모두 평화롭게 함께 살자고 말했습니다. BAM! 펑 Right in the fucking head. 바로 머릿속에서요. Apparently we’re not ready for that. 아직 준비가 안 된 것 같습니다. Очевидно, мы к этому не готовы. That’s difficult behaviour for us. 이는 저희에게는 어려운 행동입니다. We’re too busy thinking around, sitting around, trying to think up ways to kill each other. 우리는 서로를 죽일 방법을 생각하느라 너무 바쁘게 돌아다니고, 앉아서 서로를 죽이려고 합니다. Here’s one we came up with, it’s efficient too. 저희가 생각해낸 방법이 있는데, 이 방법도 효율적입니다. Вот один из них, который мы придумали, и он тоже эффективен. Genocide. 집단학살 قتل عام. 학살. Геноцид. You know. Kill large numbers of people just because they don’t look like you, they don’t talk like you and they don’t have the same kind of hats you do. |||||||||||||||||||||||||모자|| 자신과 생김새가 다르다는 이유로, 자신과 말투가 다르다는 이유로, 자신과 같은 종류의 모자를 쓰지 않는다는 이유로 많은 사람을 죽여서는 안 됩니다. Убивайте большое количество людей только потому, что они не похожи на вас, не говорят так, как вы, и у них нет таких же шляп, как у вас. You ever notice that any time there’s two groups of people who really hate each other, chances are good they are wearing different kind of hats. 서로를 정말 싫어하는 두 그룹이 있을 때마다 서로 다른 종류의 모자를 쓰고 있을 가능성이 높다는 것을 눈치챈 적이 있을 것입니다. Вы когда-нибудь замечали, что если есть две группы людей, которые по-настоящему ненавидят друг друга, то, скорее всего, они носят разные шляпы. Keep an eye on that, it might be important. Следите за этим, это может быть важно. But any time there’s a genocide there are always mass graves. ||||||||||무덤 하지만 대량 학살이 일어날 때마다 항상 대량 무덤이 생깁니다. Но при любом геноциде всегда есть массовые захоронения. Every time we kill some dictator and go marching into his country we always find mass graves. 독재자를 죽이고 그의 나라로 진군할 때마다 우리는 항상 대규모 무덤을 발견합니다. Каждый раз, когда мы убиваем какого-нибудь диктатора и идем маршем в его страну, мы всегда находим массовые захоронения. Thousands and thousands of dead bodies of people that the dictator killed. 독재자가 죽인 수천, 수만 명의 시체. And everybody over here gets horrified:  Oh, mass graves, mass graves! |||||충격받다||||| Well, shit, what’s a guy supposed to do with a couple thousand people he just killed? 젠장, 방금 죽인 수천 명을 어떻게 처리해야 하나요? Dig sepparate holes? 구멍을 파|각각의| 별도의 구멍을 파시나요? Fuck that shit. 젠장. It’s labour intensive, get real! 노동 집약적입니다. 현실을 직시하세요! The whole idea of killing a large number of people at one time in one place is convenience. |||||||||||||||||зручність 한 장소에서 한 번에 많은 사람을 죽이는 것은 편리하기 때문입니다. The efficiency. |효율성 Throw them in the fucking hole. Look at it this way. At least the dictator had the decency to throw a little dirt on them. ||||||порядність||||||| Give the guy some credit. Dictator’s a busy man. Got a lot on his mind. Like trying to figure out who’s planning to kill *him*. So he can pick them up, put them in prison and *torture* them. Here’s another one of our interesting heart-warming behaviours we’ve come up with somewhere along the way – TORTURING each other. You want to hear a really cool torture that the Romans invented? They also used it as a form of capital punishment, it’s *really* creative. They would take the guy in question, stuff him in a burlap sack, seal the sack up real tight and throw it in the river. |||||||||||мішок з мішковини||||||||||||| Они брали парня, запихивали его в мешок из рогожи, плотно запечатывали мешок и бросали его в реку. But, and here’s the creative part, inside the sack, with the guy, they would put a dog, a monkey, and a snake. Okay? A dog, a monkey, and a snake. That’s fucking creative! Imagine being inside a burlap sack, underwater, in the dark, sitting next to a drowning monkey. Think he’d be moving around a little bit? Думаете, он будет немного двигаться? The dog would be going apeshit, we know that. De hond zou rot gaan, dat weten we. Собака будет в бешенстве, мы это знаем. And the snake? Well, he’d probably be getting curious about what all the activity was inside the sack. He might do anything. Whatever he did would probably involve venom and his teeth. Что бы он ни делал, в ход, вероятно, шли яд и зубы. You know what you’d be doing? You’d be praying to God that the snake bit the monkey and the dog ate the snake. Praying. Then it would be just you and the dog, man and his best friend, drowning together. Maybe before you die, you can teach him a few tricks. Roll over and play dead wouldn’t be too difficult, would it? Перевернуться и притвориться мертвым будет не так уж сложно, правда? Just a thought, just a playful thought. I assume you’re noticing that all these activities I’m mentioning: murder, torture, genocide – these are all things human beings do. Not animals, those creatures we feel superior to. Не животные, а те существа, над которыми мы чувствуем свое превосходство. This is us. Here’s another one of our spiritually uplifting activities. Hier is nog een van onze spiritueel opbouwende activiteiten. We don’t do this one much anymore, but it used to be really big. Мы уже не так часто его проводим, но раньше он был очень большим. Human sacrifice. I miss that. The Aztecs loved human sacrifice and they were good at it. Well they got a lot of practice. У них было много практики. For instance, around the year 1500 the Aztecs sacrificed 80 000 people in one ceremony. Zo offerden de Azteken rond het jaar 1500 80.000 mensen in één ceremonie. Okay? 80 000 people in one ceremony. You know what the occasion was? They were opening a new temple. Nothing like religion for a little entertainment, huh? Нет ничего лучше религии для небольшого развлечения, да? Especially that old time religion. Do you know how the Aztechs went about their sacrificing? Here’s how they would do it. They would do it right in public, right in front of everybody. Big town, beautiful city square. Twenty-thirty thousand people looking on. They would take the guy, lay him on an altar, cut his chest open, pull his heart out, hold it up in the air while it was still beating. Got that? Cut his chest open, pull his heart out, hold it up in the air while it was still beating. You know what you call that? Theatre. That is fucking theatre. And although the procedure may have been a little too crude to be considered the first by-pass surgery, it could easily be seen as an early form of organ donor program. ||||||||||грубий||||||||||||||||||||| The Aztecs, human beings, just like us. Not too long ago, five hundred years. Kolumbus had already landed. This was just south of here – Mexico. And by the way those hearts didn’t go to waste. Did not go to waste. Because right after the ceremony, the royal family, naturally, would enjoy another one of our amusing acitivities – cannibalism. Imagine that – chowing down on another human being. ||жерти||||| You have got to be all out of beef jerky. |||||||||в'ялене м'ясо У вас, должно быть, закончилась вяленая говядина. You have got to be really fucking hungry. But it happens, doesn’t it. Still happens to this day. Bunch of people, stranded in the wilderness, run out of Pop Tarts, got to eat something. Might as well be Steve. And how do you decide who to eat first? How do you decide who’s first on the barbeque rack? Do you pick on the little guy, because he’s skinny and he can’t fight back or do you all gang up on the body-builder because he’s got a lot of steaks and chops on him? These are things human beings have to consider. |||||||розглядати One more of these charming diversions of ours – necrophilia. Nog een van deze charmante afleidingen van ons - necrofilie. Now there’s a hobby for you. Fucking a corpse. ||Трахати труп Takes a special kind of guy, don’t you think. But it happens, it happens. More than you might think. It happens among humans, animals don’t do that. Animals don’t fuck their dead. A rat will do a lot of gross things but it will not fuck a dead rat. It wouldn’t even occur to him. Only a human being would *think* to fuck someone who just died. We have got to be the most interesting creatures on the planet. And then we wonder why a UFO doesn’t just land and say hello. You know the best thing about necrophilia? You don’t have to bring flowers. Ususally they’re already there. Как правило, они уже там. Isn’t that nice? It’s nice. It’s convenient. Human beings will do anything, anything. I am convinced. Я убежден. That’s why, when all those beheadings started in Iraq, it didn’t bother me. A lot of people here were horrified, “ Whaaaa, beheadings! ” What, are you fucking surprised? Just one more form of extreme human behaviour. Besides, who cares about some mercenary civilian contractor from Oklahoma who gets his head cut off? Fuck them. Hey Jack, you don’t want to get your head cut off? Stay the fuck in Oklahoma. They aren’t cutting off heads in Oklahoma, as far as I know. But I do know this: you strap on a gun and go strutting around some other mens' country you’d better be ready for some action, Jack. ||||||пристібаєш||||||вихвалятися||||||||||||| Но я знаю одно: если ты пристегиваешь пистолет и отправляешься разгуливать по чужой стране, то будь готов к активным действиям, Джек. You’d better be ready for some action. People are touchy about that sort of thing. And let me ask you this while I have you good clean Americans here. И позвольте мне спросить вас, пока вы, чистые американцы, здесь. This is a moral question, not rhetorical, I am looking for the answer: what is the moral difference between cutting off one guy’s head, or two, or three, of five or ten – and dropping a big bomb on a hospital and killing a whole bunch of sick kids? Has anybody in authority given you an explanation of the difference? I have not got an email on this, haven’t got a post card, no fucking instant messange, nothing. Now, in case you’re wondering why I have a certain interest, or fascination lets call it, with torture and beheadings and all of these things I’ve mentioned, is because each of these items reminds me in life, every time one of them occurs, reminds me over and over again what beasts we human beings really are. When you get right down to it, when you get right *down* to it, human beings are nothing more than ordinary jungle beasts. Savages. No different from the Cro Magnon people who lived twenty five thousand years ago in the plasticine forests eating crubs off rotten logs. |||||||||||||||||||личинки комах||гнилих|колоди Niet anders dan de Cro Magnon-mensen die vijfentwintigduizend jaar geleden in de plasticine-bossen leefden en crubs aten van verrot hout. No different. Our DNA hasn’t changed substantially in a houndred thousand years. Ons DNA is in honderdduizend jaar niet wezenlijk veranderd. We’re still operating out of the lower brain. The reptilian brain. Fight of flight. Kill or be killed. We like to think we’ve evolved and advanced because we can build a computer, fly an airplane, travel underwater, we can write a sonet, paint a painting, compose an opera. |||||еволюціонували|||||||||||||||||||||||| We denken graag dat we geëvolueerd en gevorderd zijn omdat we een computer kunnen bouwen, een vliegtuig kunnen besturen, onder water kunnen reizen, een sonet kunnen schrijven, een schilderij kunnen schilderen, een opera kunnen componeren. But you know something? We’re barely out of the jungle on this planet. Barely out of the fucking jungle. What we are, is semi-civilized beasts, with baseball caps and automatic weapons. |||||||з бейсболь||||| Мы - полуцивилизованные звери в бейсболках и с автоматическим оружием.